If the computer calculated it right, I think this is day 245 of this blog, and honestly at this point, I feel like I’m forgetting what I’ve written about, and coming up with new ideas isn’t as easy as it seems – especially when I’m not doing much for inspiration on a daily basis. I’d much rather be cleaning the rest of my kitchen right now, or hanging the laundry that just finished a cycle. Maybe I’d be prepping dinner more than a few random thoughts in my head. But here I am forcing myself to sit here and write and get it out of the way – because I don’t want to do it tonight when Rami is home – and because after a morning bike ride in 100/40 degree heat, Luna is passed out cold on the couch and so my life is actually sitting still for a moment.
Each word today is a struggle – not because I don’t want to write, but because I don’t want to write right now (and after those two words I’m reminded how lucky I am that I have English as a first language) and I don’t want to write this. I want to work on my grandfather’s letters. I want to clean the kitchen. I want to prep dinner. When the rest of my day is done, the words flow better because it doesn’t matter how long it takes me to pull them out of my head. Right now, every time there’s a block, I stop. I distract myself, I try and think of something else to say.
Today I’m writing and deleting. I’m getting interrupted by phone calls and this has already been way too long of an attempt to get words on paper. Overall I’ve probably written a thousand at least but deleted them all the same – and this is another blog with a block on it.
I wish I could go back in time and follow Michelangelo around these streets and watch his process. When he was working on a painting, on a sculpture, how many breaks did he take? What did he do to fill the time in between each brushstroke, each strike of his chisel? Certainly, it wasn’t stopping to check Facebook for a better distraction. But you know what, no one was after him if he took one. No one thought what he was doing was a waste of time. Then artists and people that used their minds to create things were revered. Now, most of the time I feel that I could be doing better things, more important things because long gone are the days that humans allowed artwork to take center stage in life. But that’s ok. Because those that need to paint, and those that need to write, and those that need to chisel (fun fact – this skill is all of a sudden needed more to recreate Notre Dame – now who wants to be a sculptor), and those that need to make music, and dance, and those that need and want and do create will still be revered – someday. Maybe not right now, but humans always usually get back to those basics we’ve all loved all along.
In the meantime, day 200 something is done for this blog – even if it wasn’t a masterpiece. Society is winning today, but that’s why we have to create every day. You never know when The David is going to look out at you from in the middle of a big piece of thrown-away marble that someone didn’t think was useful for anything at all.